It's Not Always Depression: The Change Triangle Method

It's Not Always Depression: The Change Triangle Method | Transform Your Emotional Life

What if your "depression" isn't depression at all? What if it's your psyche's way of protecting you from overwhelming emotions you haven't learned to feel?

Dr. Hilary Jacobs Hendel's groundbreaking work reveals that many symptoms we label as depression, anxiety, or chronic illness are actually defenses against core emotions we've never learned to process.

                    The Change Triangle shows us: underneath our symptoms lie authentic emotions waiting to heal us.
                

🔍 The Hidden Truth About Your Symptoms

What Looks Like Depression Might Actually Be:

Emotional Defenses

Numbing and disconnection
Perfectionism and control
Workaholism and busyness
Addictive behaviors
Chronic people-pleasing
Emotional eating or restriction

Physical Manifestations

Chronic fatigue and exhaustion
Digestive issues and IBS
Headaches and migraines
Muscle tension and pain
Sleep disturbances
Autoimmune flare-ups

Inhibitory Emotions

Overwhelming anxiety
Persistent guilt and shame
Chronic worry
Emotional numbness
Feeling "stuck" or hopeless
Unexplained mood swings

"Your symptoms aren't the problem - they're messengers pointing you toward what needs healing."

🔺 Understanding the Change Triangle

The Three Corners of Emotional Experience

CORE EMOTIONS

Your authentic feelings: anger, sadness, fear, disgust, joy, excitement, sexual feelings

DEFENSES

How you avoid core emotions: numbing, perfectionism, workaholism, addictions

INHIBITORY EMOTIONS

What blocks core emotions: anxiety, shame, guilt

                    The goal: Move from defenses and inhibitions to experiencing your core emotions safely
                

💝 The Seven Core Emotions

ANGER

The emotion that says "This is not okay" and gives you power to create boundaries

Body signs: Heat, energy, clenched jaw/fists, urge to push away

SADNESS

The emotion of loss that helps you let go and connect with others

Body signs: Tears, heaviness in chest, drooping, urge to be held

FEAR

The protector that alerts you to danger and prepares you to respond

Body signs: Racing heart, shallow breathing, tightness, urge to flee

DISGUST

The boundary-setter that helps you reject what's toxic or harmful

Body signs: Nausea, turning away, scrunched face, urge to spit

JOY

The connector that bonds you with others and celebrates life

Body signs: Lightness, warmth, smile, urge to share and connect

EXCITEMENT

The motivator that propels you toward what you want

Body signs: Energy, alertness, forward movement, urge to engage

SEXUAL FEELINGS

The life force that drives creativity, passion, and intimate connection

Body signs: Warmth, tingling, aliveness, urge for closeness

🛠️ Working the Change Triangle

The AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) Method

STEP 1: Notice Defenses

Identify when you're avoiding feelings

Ask: "What am I doing instead of feeling?"

STEP 2: Name Inhibitions

Recognize anxiety, shame, or guilt blocking you

Ask: "What's stopping me from feeling?"

STEP 3: Feel Core Emotions

Drop into your body and experience the emotion

Ask: "What am I actually feeling in my body?"

STEP 4: Let Emotion Move

Allow the natural impulse and energy

Let yourself cry, shake, or express naturally

STEP 5: Notice the Shift

Observe how you feel after the emotion moves

Usually: calm, clarity, connection, compassion

🏃‍♀️ Daily Triangle Practice

Your Emotion Liberation Routine

Morning Check-in (5 min): "What am I feeling in my body right now?"
Defense Spotting (Throughout day): Notice when you reach for distractions
Midday Body Scan (3 min): Feel your emotions instead of thinking them
Evening Processing (10 min): Let unfelt emotions from the day move through you
Weekly Review: Track patterns and celebrate emotional courage

📈 Your Transformation Timeline

What to Expect as You Work the Triangle

WEEK 1-2

Defense Recognition

Start noticing your go-to avoidance patterns and emotional numbing strategies

WEEK 3-4

Body Awareness

Develop ability to feel emotions in your body rather than just thinking about them

WEEK 5-8

Emotional Flow

Begin allowing emotions to move through you naturally, experiencing relief afterward

WEEK 9-12

Authentic Living

Feel more alive, connected, and authentic as you live from your core emotions

MONTH 3-6

Deep Integration

Significant reduction in "depression" symptoms as you process emotions in real-time

🏥 Specific Techniques for Common Issues

For Chronic Anxiety:

Anxiety as Guardian

Ask your anxiety what it's protecting you from feeling

"What core emotion is underneath this anxiety?"

Grounding in Core Emotion

Drop from your anxious mind into your feeling body

Feel anger, sadness, or fear directly instead of anxiety about them

For Emotional Numbness:

Gentle Awakening

Start with tiny amounts of feeling

Notice subtle sensations: warmth, coolness, tension, ease

Safe Feeling Practice

Create safety to feel a little at a time

Set a timer for 2 minutes of feeling, then return to safety

For People-Pleasing:

Healthy Anger Access

Connect with your authentic "no"

Feel the anger that creates boundaries: "This is not okay"

Shame Reduction

Process the shame that drives people-pleasing

Feel and release shame to access your authentic preferences

"Healing isn't about getting rid of difficult emotions - it's about developing the capacity to feel them without being overwhelmed."

🧬 The Science Behind the Triangle

The Change Triangle is based on Affective Neuroscience research showing that:

Core emotions are hardwired - They exist in subcortical brain regions and are universal
Emotions have adaptive functions - Each core emotion serves a specific survival purpose
Blocked emotions create symptoms - When we can't feel, our bodies and minds compensate
Feeling emotions heals trauma - Processing emotions in the body releases stored stress
Neuroplasticity enables change - We can rewire our emotional patterns at any age

                    Your nervous system wants to heal - you just need to know how to work with it, not against it.
                

🎯 Identifying Your Personal Triangle

Discover Your Defense Patterns

The Worrier

Uses anxiety and overthinking to avoid feeling

Notice: Do you think about problems instead of feeling them?

The Achiever

Uses busyness and accomplishment to stay ahead of emotions

Notice: Do you stay busy to avoid being with yourself?

The Pleaser

Focuses on others' needs to avoid own feelings

Notice: Do you automatically prioritize others over yourself?

The Numb-er

Uses substances, food, or media to disconnect

Notice: What do you reach for when emotions arise?

The Controller

Uses perfectionism and control to feel safe

Notice: Do you need things "just right" to feel okay?

The Withdrawer

Uses isolation and detachment as protection

Notice: Do you pull away when things get emotional?

🔧 Advanced Triangle Techniques

The SODER Method for Feeling Emotions:

S - SLOW DOWN

Pause and get present with what's happening

Take 3 deep breaths and notice you're having an experience

O - ORIENT TO BODY

Drop from your head into your body

Feel your feet on the ground, notice physical sensations

D - DESCRIBE SENSATIONS

Name what you feel physically

"I feel tightness in my chest, heat in my face, heaviness in my stomach"

E - EMOTION IDENTIFICATION

Connect sensations to core emotions

"This tightness feels like fear" or "This heat feels like anger"

R - RELEASE & RECEIVE

Let the emotion move and notice what comes after

Allow natural expression, then feel the calm, clarity, or connection

🌊 Understanding Emotional Waves

Core emotions follow a natural pattern when allowed to flow:

1. Activation: The emotion arises in response to a trigger
2. Peak: The emotion reaches its full intensity
3. Expression: The emotion seeks natural outlet (tears, voice, movement)
4. Resolution: The emotion completes and transforms into calm, clarity, connection
5. Integration: You gain insight, energy, or motivation from the experience

                    Most people get stuck at step 1 or 2 - learning to complete the wave is the key to healing.
                

💡 Common Triangle Mistakes to Avoid

Thinking vs. Feeling

Analyzing emotions instead of experiencing them
Talking about feelings rather than feeling them
Staying in your head instead of dropping into your body

Forcing vs. Allowing

Trying to make emotions happen instead of creating space
Judging emotions as good or bad
Rushing the process instead of trusting natural timing

Isolation vs. Connection

Processing everything alone instead of seeking support
Hiding emotions instead of sharing appropriately
Avoiding relationships while doing emotional work

🤝 Building Your Emotional Support System

Creating Safety for Feeling

Find Your People

Identify who feels safe for emotional expression

List 3 people who can hold space for your feelings without fixing

Create Feeling Rituals

Establish regular practices for emotional processing

Weekly feeling check-ins, monthly emotional inventory

Professional Support

Consider AEDP therapy or somatic practitioners

Find therapists trained in body-based emotional work

🌱 Integration: Living from Your Core

"The goal isn't to feel good all the time - it's to feel real all the time. When you can feel authentically, you can live authentically."

As you work the Triangle consistently, you'll notice:

Increased aliveness: Colors seem brighter, experiences more vivid
Better relationships: You can connect more deeply and set healthier boundaries
Physical healing: Many chronic symptoms improve as emotions flow
Authentic decision-making: You know what you actually want and need
Resilience: You can handle life's challenges without falling apart
Creative expression: Your authentic self wants to create and contribute

🚨 When to Seek Additional Support

⚠️ Important Safety Notes

The Change Triangle is powerful, but some situations require professional support:

History of severe trauma or PTSD
Suicidal thoughts or self-harm urges
Substance abuse or addiction issues
Dissociation or feeling disconnected from reality
Overwhelming emotions that feel unmanageable
Eating disorders or severe body image issues

                    Healing is always possible, but sometimes we need skilled guides to help us navigate safely.
                

📚 Deepening Your Practice

Resources for Continued Growth

Essential Reading

Books to deepen your understanding

"It's Not Always Depression" by Hilary Jacobs Hendel (the foundation text)

Body-Based Practices

Somatic approaches to emotional healing

Somatic Experiencing, TRE, or trauma-sensitive yoga

Therapeutic Modalities

Professional approaches aligned with Triangle work

AEDP, IFS (Internal Family Systems), or EMDR therapy

Community Connection

Find others doing this work

Support groups, workshops, or online communities

Your Commitment to Emotional Freedom

Working the Change Triangle isn't just about feeling better - it's about becoming who you truly are underneath all the defenses and adaptations.

Daily: Check in with your body and emotions 3 times
Weekly: Have at least one good cry, laugh, or emotional release
Monthly: Review your defense patterns and celebrate progress
Quarterly: Assess if you need additional support or resources
Yearly: Reflect on how emotional authenticity has transformed your life

"Depression often lifts not when we think our way out of it, but when we feel our way through the emotions we've been avoiding. Your feelings are not the problem - they are the solution."

🎯 Your Triangle Action Plan

30-Day Quick Start Guide

DAYS 1-7

Defense Awareness

Simply notice when you're avoiding feelings. No judgment, just awareness. Keep a defense log.

DAYS 8-14

Body Connection

Practice feeling emotions in your body for 2 minutes daily. Start with safer emotions like gratitude.

DAYS 15-21

Emotion Naming

Begin identifying which of the 7 core emotions you're feeling. Use the SODER method.

DAYS 22-30

Expression Practice

Allow natural emotional expression in safe spaces. Notice the relief and clarity afterward.

Empowered HSP